i won't give up on you

i want you
and thats that
i'm ready to make the step onto the same page as you
so
i'm going to do it
for more than talk
for real
for you


i love you

little bird

little bird on the ground
i'm sorry but
i can't help you out this time

but i was hoping i could borrow
a feather or two
my superman cape isn't
working the way i thought it would

it's only good for hiding behind
and i can't hide no more

i was planning on
flying her out of here tonight
but instead
she took my hands
covered in blood
and walked me out on my two feet

truth be told
it probably worked out for the best
she always knew i'd be too scared
to ever attempt to fly

little bird on the ground
i'm sorry for
what i'm about to do

it's what keeps me alive

only once before have i felt so motivated
and even then i'm not sure it was as motivated
naturally i'm a pessimist
my first reaction is to quit
but i can't
and even more
what would be the point
for what reason would i be quitting
there is none
so i will stick it out
i'll learn to grow up
and i will wait for you
because you're worth it
and if you'll give me the change again
i promise i'll do everything
to have made it more than worth it

i'm a kid again

once again
i feel scared like a child
but yet i still envy children
i envy their ability to be naive
their ability to have hope
i no longer have that
i can no longer look past
the hopelessness of the situation
it's right in front of me
staring me in the face
but i can't confront it
because i'm too scared
in this sense
i'll sadly always be a child

it's too late

i was afraid to play hard to get
because i was afraid that you would lose interest
because if i wasn't giving it my everything
maybe you wouldn't see any value in me at all
it turns out i didn't have to play hard to get
for you to lose interest
the only conclusion that i can come up with
is that my best still isn't enough
it never has been
and never will be
i would love to change that
but how the fuck
do i change not being good enough

i am empty now

only cause this is private

i have so much to tell you
but i can't
it wouldn't be right
and you wouldn't care
and i don't want to get hurt

but. since you can't see this
i'll pour my heart out

i love you
i knew i would as soon as i saw you
as soon as i smelt you
as soon as you embraced me
that trusting embrace that i'll never forget
and then you told me a story
you completely stormed into my life
and you became my life
then
you took a step back
but you left your tracks all over me
i can still feel you inside of me
but you're not actually there
hopefully one day you'll come back

boobs

i wish i could tell you everything
i was almost there
but like everything else in my life that's good
it's been dangled in front of my face
and i've been captivated
and now i'm absorbed
but you don't care anymore
you stepped back
and you've left me hanging
cloud 9 should really be called
cloud fuck off

loverr

if i die before i wake
it'll be ok
maybe more than ok
maybe it'll be better than
it ever was
on my end
and everyone elses
i can stay in an empty world
full of strange objects
i'll find uses for them
even if nobody else finds them useful
it might make me feel like i can
contribute to SOMEthing somehow

unlike here
where i can contribute nothing

someday i'll be in a world that i belong

funny

it's odd that a song that one considers so good
can make you feel so shitty
and so down
but it's still so good

and it begins

this morning i stepped out on my porch
and i watched as you left off to this world
to explore
i can't say i really saw this coming
but i don't have a say in the matter
i don't know when you're coming back
i don't know if you even are coming back
all i know
is that i'll stand on this porch
and i'll wait and hope that you come back
i'll wait until i die

say hi to tests

life is full of them
and now a new one begins
i know what i need to do
i know what i need to do
in order to accomplish it

it's one of those things that
are easier said than done

but i know i can do it
i've done it before
just this time there's a twist

although i have to keep my head up
and keep thinking about the reward

there's no question about whether
it's worth it or not
it is. period
and for that reason
i'm going to do my best
to prove that i also am worth it




i love you

my position

in everything is completely unclear
i have no idea where i stand
all i know is i had an idea before
and it feels like i'm being pushed
in the opposite direction
that or left behind
it makes me ask myself
is it my fault or not
could i have prevented this
or is this just my fate
but either way
if it was my fault
i'm sure it's too late now
if it wasn't my fault
there's still nothing i can do
because i'm trying my best
(or maybe i tried too hard?)

living in the past once again

=

Saturday, January 2, 2010

missing it baaaad

what a stupid show

why does this have to hurt so much
it's supposed to be the most beautiful feeling ever
but it doesn't feel that way at all
no- it's devastating, and discouraging
it certainly hasn't broken my spirit yet
but it will soon
if it does
when it does
i'll be past tainted
and beyond repair
this is for certain make it or break it
i wish it was looking better

Refer to Jan 15/10

Dashboard confessional;
you're supposed to have depressing music
not happy

..

i miss when you wanted me
i miss you trying to stop me when i would go
i miss when i made you feel special
i miss when i could make you smile
i miss when you missed me
i miss you
i miss when i forgot how to cry
i miss when i didn't need to