the world may end soon

i'm cleaning

my mom isn't home to rule her supremacy over me
to make me do it
it's all free will

wowow

yah i like tegan & sara

:(

don't be so afraid:
to let someone down
to be real
to be authentic

there's no moving forward
in being nice to someones face
under obligation

its just a setback for you
and you're just pushing back
those who you were unable to be honest with

learn to face the facts:
being hurt is a human emotion
that sometimes must be faced

being a people please sucks
if you can't draw the line

much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks

i feel like a child
i'm scared
i'm embarrassed
i'm scared as hell

though i'm not like a child
in the sense
that in this particular instance
i don't know how to be naive
and although optimism is a beautiful belief
it's wings can only carry me so far
before realism sets in like a cold winter

i knew the reality the whole time
i tried so hard to ignore the reality
so why now
why is it being pushed on me
it's never been relevant
it never will be relevant

this is torture

:O

this was so easy to ignore
to push away
but now i feel so compelled
to take hold of it
i can't ignore it anymore
it's calling me
and i'm sure i'm walking into the ocean
to do nothing more than drown

i'm sure i will drown
but i still feel such a push
that i have to do it

and who knows
maybe i'll drown
and find new life

HEAVEN IS HERE

so along with the hot releases mentioned earlier this month,
i also got the best present ever!!!!!Softsoap Vanilla Brownsugar!!!


thank you

woo fucking hooo

fuck you

who did it

i'm trapped
in the wrong body
in the wrong time

it's so frustrating to look around
and realize
the the body in which my soul has been placed
is entirely incompatible

the saying goes
if life gives you lemons, make lemonade

well what if i wasn't made to make lemonade?
what if i was made to make a whole different juice?
or maybe not even juice at all?

that's how i feel
like i was made for something else
and the time i'm in
and the body i'm in
is forcing me to compromise the purpose
in which i was originally made
and jump ship to a new purpose

this
is a good example of a cluster fuck
everything around me, including my own body
is pushing me to change
but in my heart i know that the change is a digression
so with that in mind
why should i change
why should i digress
when really it's the world around me
that has the issues

your beautiful tears:)

they finally came
i've been asking for them for so long
and you finally showed me them
it was beautiful
like fireworks
and in my head there was beautiful music to along with it

i'm sure that it was a once in lifetime opportunity
so i'll remember it forever

thank you:)

see you next tuesday;)

i reached the limit

say hi to a brick in the face

i'm stretching myself
i'm wearing thin
i saw from the beginning
how much of a stretch it was
but it was
compulsion
infatuation
and optimism that made me do it

that's what will keep me in it
until i've worn myself so thin
that i can't keep going

Laces Out, Dan!

Good song for this mood;)

wow

totally different out come than what i predicted
DEFINITELY for the better.

it's so interesting to see how i had a certain thought in my head
and it turned out so differently

now i just have to keep some other lessons i've learned
in my head

and not just keep them but act on them

too many times i've taken a lesson
thought about it
and didn't do it

this time i MUST MUST MUST make the effort

i don't want to mess up this time

lessons

over the period of my life
i try to learn and take in as many life lessons as i can

today i will truly keep this one in mind,
and so should you

the minute you see flags, it's a clear sign to get the fuck out

holy releases

it's tuesday
that means only one thing

dvd releases

today's a HUGE day
probably this years 2 best fucking movies are out today


Inglourious Basterds!!!!

and...

The Hangover!!!!

what a great fucking day:)

holy late

this is the second time in a row that my lunch
has been put off til 2 or later

there's no logic behind this though
but i feel like it's going to make me fat
from like. stress or something



next week my frieend from montreal is coming
this is probably the most exciting thing
that's happened in a long time
i have lots of plans
dinner
movies
surprises!!!

it's going to be a goooooood night

these random thoughts again

i've found myself wanting to see someone cry again
totally different reason as before
but i'm starting to wonder about these thoughts

i know exactly why i've wanted it to happen everytime
like with most things, i know the logic
but there are so many things/people saying the thought is wrong
but it doesn't seem wrong

don't get me wrong, my intentions aren't to purposely hurt someone
just to get pleasure out of it
i have my reasons
and my reasons seem more for the better

yet the crying part still seem strange

i did it!

kind of..

it's the closest i've been
in a long long time

and it felt damn good
i missed the feeling
i miss the feeling again

it took long enough for it this time
it'll probably be a while til it happens again

i hope not though

i want you

i've wanted this for so long
but i never wanted if it was possible
now i want to know
i want to say something so bad
is there a point
would anything be accomplished
or will it just make things worse

guuurl

i'm not too sure if i should be
feeling sorry for you or not

you put yourself into this

but time has passed

have you changed?

or is it all the same?

one day

is all it takes apparently
for this world to be transformed
into a winter "wonderland"
there's so much thrill behind this snow
but for what?
it's not even nice snow
it's hard
it's icy
it broke my windshield wiper

so i have to "wonder"

where's the wonder in this wonderland.
cause i'm not seeing it.

on a better note.
yesterday i had go for tea
first off, the restaurant was REALLY nice
very modern and very classy
it was a bit dark, but the lighting
on the table was more than sufficient
i had chicken, but vietnamese style (i think viet)
it was for sure different, but it was real meat
and delicious. The rice.. was rice ahah always good
i also ordered some chinese style toast with condensed milk
SOOOOO good. very sweet so i could only eat half.
luckily emily was there for the other half.

next we're off to TenRen

a report will surely follow

rap. mmmm

this is probably my first big FAV when it comes to rap

hellooooo

i don't know where you came from
but you have found me

i don't know if i embraced you
or if you took a hold of me

there's no sense worrying about it now
you're a part of me
and i can tell you're not going anywhere
and neither am i

so we'll continue on
entwined, and doing what we've learned best
what we've taught each other
for no other reason but satisfaction

say hi to me.. please

i want to be your pillow
i want to be your safehouse
i want to be your outlet

i want to witness firsthand
the brilliance
that's barely contained
inside your chest

until then
all i have are these tiny holes
to try stare through

but for now
i won't complain
these holes are a window to your life
your beautiful life

today

sucks.. period

so many things were just simply annoying today..

so as far as I'm concerned

Sunday December 6, 2009

SUCKS

no id friend

whenever it comes to making a decision
a lot of times we think
of the pros
the cons

the option with the most pros
usually is the winning option

we're encouraged to make decisions
with the pro/con mindset

so what happens when the pros lead
to a decision that might not seem right

what is right?
why is it wrong?

we're so quick to bend the rules
to make exceptions
when something doesn't go the way it should

it makes me wonder where our credibility is
when dealing with matters of right and wrong

some education!!

today's education portion will be on stop signs!!!

Stop signs are a sign shaped like an octagon, and contain the words stop on them!

when you come to a stop sign, you must:
STOP... for 3 seconds
wait until the coast is clear, then proceed with your maneuver.

if more than one vehicle approaches the stop sign, the vehicle who stopped first has the right of way.

that means, that you DO NOT follow the rules of a green light.
you DO NOT turn left in front of someone else trying to go through the intersection


Good God some people are stupid

um...

No offense if you're American, but WOW

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/091203/national/us_canada_spy_coins

hmm.. happy thoughts:)

you really had me going
this whole time i was thinking
you were different
that you were considerate

but you're not
you're just plain ignorant

and your ignorance is far from bliss
your ignorance is obvious
it's definitive of you

it is you

YAY FOR YOUUU iPOD!

i LOVE how my iPod loves this song. It's always coming on. SOO good

yumm. titles are useless

i'm hating how
i'm finally getting ready to move on
and now i feel like i'm being remembered again

i made an impression
but it was delayed
and now that i'm making an impression
i don't know if i want to be remembered for it

it'd be easier to move on if i was still forgotten

i don't want to be forgotten
but i want to move on

i don't know what i want

:(

am i the only person who finds this mufucker funny!?!??

it seems every one i talk to didn't ever like cleveland.

i always loved him

he reminds me of stanley from the office too, who i also love!!

Can You Say Jane Lynch?

Good Lord I can't stand her

yum

i'm choking on my tongue

sleeep

it's so good.. when you get it
the odd thing is i don't get THAT tired
considering how often i actually sleep
i'm wondering how long i can keep this up for though
after all i'm still young
it's not like i even always plan on being up so late
it just sometimes happens

being tired is a definitely a fun feeling though
it's more bitter than sweet
but there's definitely some humour and fun in it

i know i can't keep it up forever
but for now...
we will never sleep
cause sleepings for the week
and we will never rest
til we're all fucking dead:)

mmmmm

Good God this is amazing right now

microwaved egg with bacon bits
cheese
on a bagel
with a can of coke

so simple- so good

such an amazing midnight snack

football season is over

in my head i'm soo ready for this
i'm longing for it
but my heart is a stubborn bitch
just like me
i think if my brain belonged to someone else
and i used my heart for thinking
that person and i wouldn't get a long too well.


-------------------

recently i wished for something that i never thought i'd wish for
the wish is fucked up
it's unrealistic

but at the time it seemed like a reality
it seemed worth shooting for
now i'm wishing for wishes
wishing that it was a realistic wish
and now based on these wishes
i'm wishing for other things
things i once thought were crazy
really
i still think they are
i'm starting to think i'm crazy

i always wondered if i WAS crazy, if i would realize it
or if any one who really is crazy has the ability to realize it

to me "crazy" people are obvious
do they have the intellect to realize their differences



such fun thoughts!

..

i fell in love with her buzzed out of my head, and i knew i wanted to stay that way forever

say hi to vera

sweeeeet picture of Vera, i think so!

dream club murders

i honestly just wish i could make you cry
just so i know it's possible
for me to make my way past the surface your emotions
to make my way to somewhere that counts
and for me to see the tangible evidence of it
i don't really really want to hurt you
in fact i want the complete opposite

so far though, i haven't even scratched the surface
i can't even see the surface

makes me wonder if i'll ever get there... again

woooow

some people have such fucked up communication skills

just a forewarning- i don't hate on people who use social networks in their day to day lives, whether it's for posting pictures or communicating.

honestly though, don't use general status updates as a message to an individual. that's just stupid. we don't quite live in a world where everyone is supposed to be able to interpret the exact meaning of your stupid fucking update.

i'm really sorry to vent over a blog like this. but, it's a message to the world, not just the individual that i have an issue with right now.

so again- please don't hate on me for this post:)

we were so on the same page

i miss it
this page is so interesting
so unique
i don't see the point in changing

maybe i'm just behind on the times
but i feel fine where i am
so why change?


if you appreciate John Mayer- this is SO worth checking out.

this sounds pretty damn good right now

four tet- yummm

..

i wanna go somewhere
i don't want a set destination
if i could i'd just drive with my eyes close
until i found nothing
or nothing found me

it'd be nice to not think about the same thing over and over again
it's not that the subject of my thoughts is so bad
it's just depressing to consistently think over and over again
how hopeless things have become

it's so interesting how hard it is to take your own advice
when it's so easy to give it out

and it's not like i don't KNOW what advice i should be taking
i'm just too stubborn to put the thoughts in effect

i shake

get over it

it's not because i'm nervous. or at least, that's not the root of it
sure being nervous makes it worse
but i shake on a regular basis
i probably shake when i sleep

i have no control over it

sometimes though,
i think ativan might help

say hi to changes

maybe fame didn't get to your head

but society did

despite of this i still love you

3:04 am thought

giving up pays off more than patience. by far

cluster fuuuuuuuuuuuck

i don't even know if i want to be done with this anymore
it's in my head so much
i think about other things so much though

i don't know if it's a result of disappointment, or if it's just me giving up.
but if it's me giving up, why am i not the one who's put this decision forth?

i don't want to give up..

..

There was no beauty in this breakdown
Your breakdown was beauty
So much that one has to wonder
If this was a breakdown

It's fulfillment
It's captivating
It's inspiring

So where's the wrong
And where's the breakdown

Agreed, some people were hurt
A lot of people were hurt
When you stop to think though
Maybe your thoughts were always on track
and ours are misguided

After all you seem to have found happiness
It's time for us to move on and find ours

fuck you yes- part 2

it amazes me how some people reply to certain things. and yes i'm a terrible victim of it too. things like:

really?
what?

From this reply comes a "counter reply"

for "really?" you're most likely to get.. "YES" or something really sarcastic

for "what?" you're likely to get the initial comment repeated.

I understand that sometimes this just shows a feeling of "shock."
Really though, it's a gigantic waste of time. I've caught myself doing it a few times, and then ask myself.. why did i reply like that..

Another thing that amazes me- is that although nothing about me in terms of diet, stress etc etc has really changed. I'm suddenly breaking out with acne. I hadn't washed my face in over a year, and I got no acne. Now from the root of seemingly nowhere. I'm getting it, and I'm washing my face. fucking stupid...

fuck you yes

a lot of times people's memories are triggered by scent. you smell something and then it brings back a memory. that's of course because your memory and scent are tied together. i'm convinced that either there's something else in there, or something close by. i heard a song today. I've never heard it before, in fact- i haven't heard much LIKE it before. Yet when the song began playing, somehow in my head I could smell cigarettes. I don't smoke; no one in my house smokes. Nor had I even been with someone who smokes. Yet my brain was telling me that I was smelling cigarettes. It happens all the time. Sometimes I smell weed. Sometimes I smell gross smells. Sometimes I smell girls. It's not like I'm always doing something in particular when these scents arrive. Sometimes they seem random, so i can't seem to associate any particular action, sense or feeling.

Each and every day, my hate for Durham region continues to grow. I used to think it'd be a great place to raise a kid. I'm no longer thinking so. I'll never curse any possible offspring with this God forsaken region.

On a brighter note. Four Tet Remixes has finally made it to my computer. I've been searching for this for A LONG time. I'm very happy to have it at last!

say hi to her

it's amazing how bitching hard it is to name a blog.

i simply don't have the patience to sit any longer though, and attempt to name it something unique. I unfortunately do unique in other ways that aren't as easy to be spontaneous with. so if i suddenly decide i don't like the title anymore. oh well. i'm not changing it

when i took the time to read some other blogs (actually really only 1) i noticed that even though, the blogs can be so simple and minimalistic- they can still be very intimate, of course providing the author is honest. So! I'm going to make this as honest as I can, and depending on how well you read into things, you should be able to learn about me.


It's amazing how my life has been placed on giant scale. No matter how good things get. Something shitty always happens to even things out. Or the other way around. It feels slightly like a curse. it for sure is an ongoing cycle of good to bad and back. I really shouldn't complain because in general that means that even though something bad might be going on, I know it's soon to be balanced out, but with that in mind I always sit in fear about when my happy moments are going to end.

Right now I'm fairly even. Maybe leaning a bit towards the shiiiit side, but not enough to complain TOO much about. It'll be interesting to see
a) What will be coming next
b) how long that feeling will last before it's countered by the other